CONDESCENDING WONKA > YOU < HOUSTON/JACKO FANS
(image source: meme)
For instance;
Oh, yesterday 'we' were 'all' ragging on old Houston over there for being on drugs and having a stupid husband and being in that awful show and now everyone loooves her - this always happens. **'We' yourself. I've never seen that show, and I don't read celebrity magazines or any of that fucking garbage, and I don't want to.
Quite frankly, yesterday I was sitting around not caring about adult-oriented pop divas, and tomorrow I will be sitting around not caring about adult-oriented pop divas.
Today though, I might consider - maybe - giving an Internet high-five to an entertainer I remember from when I was a kid who was quite an impressive singer, if you look at it honestly, and has, y'know, JUST DIED.
Of course everybody is going to be talking about Whitney Houston today, because everyone over the age of fifteen knows who she is. At the very least, there is a strong collective memory of hearing That Song From The Bodyguard butchered at karaoke - over, and over, and over again.
Like it or not, Comic Book Guy, Houston is a memorable part of the Western capitalist community's collective psyche - ie. pop culture - and she could, let's face it, perform that song better than anyone either of us have ever met.
'So what?' you ask belligerently in response, 'diva pop sucks arse and it gives me a headache. Why don't more people watch 80s B-Grade horror films on VHS? There's a decline in the popularity of marijuana,' and then you will inevitably go on to indicate in the general direction of Michael Jackson.
But Jacko simply serves to consolidate my point.
When Michael Jackson died, did you really want people to sit there going...
DEAD? GOOD! I READ MICHAEL JACKSON WAS A WEIRDO! I SAW IT ON TELEVISION AND IT WAS REPEATEDLY PRESENTED TO ME AS A PLAUSIBLE POSSIBILITY. HE LOOKS UNUSUAL TO ME, AND AS SUCH I'VE VERY LITTLE DOUBT THAT HE FUCKS CHILDREN AND FOR THAT REASON THEY SHOULD JUST DUMP HIS BODY SOMEWHERE AND EVERYONE ON FACEBOOK SHOULD SHUT UP AND STOP FAKING IT - AND THAT'S WHAT HE GETS FOR SINGING ABOUT PEACE ON EARTH ANYWAY - VOTE GINGRICH!...is that actually what is expected?
Because for those people with functioning brains and an actual hubris-melting butter knife, it's probably more like...
HOLY SHIT, THAT GUY!! HE DIED ALREADY?! THAT'S MESSED UP, MAN, I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA BE AROUND FOREVER. I GREW UP WITH THAT GUY, HE WAS THE BEST. REMEMBER HOW HE WAS BLACK AND THEN HE WENT WHITE, AND THEN HE PUT OUT A SONG CALLED 'BLACK OR WHITE'? WTF. HE INFLUENCED A WHOLE GENERATION! DO YOU REMEMBER HOW RAD THRILLER WAS? IT'S THE LARGEST SELLING ALBUM OF ALL TIME AND THE CLIP'S LIKE A MOVIE; HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYONE DANCE LIKE THAT EVER!?! HOW DID HE PERFORM LIKE THAT? WTF. NOONE CAN EVER ASK HIM THESE THINGS NOW. NOT THAT THEY COULD ANYWAY. IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN EASY, POOR GUY, NO CHILDHOOD - HIS DAD WAS THE WORST JERK TOO. I BET ALL THAT PAEDO STUFF WAS MADE UP BY TRASHMAGS. I'M GLAD I'VE STILL GOT HISTORY ON CASSETTE... I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS - I'M'A PUT IT ON TO CELEBRATE THEN I'M'A GO OUT DANCING WITH 250 OTHER PEOPLE MY AGE WHOSE LIVES THIS GUY ALSO INFLUENCED!! (and hopefully we will all get cute Instagram shots and have group sex with peeps from WAAPA)Do you really want to take away people's ability to empathise with someone who spent the majority of their life as a cog in a machine that ultimately crushed their spirit entirely? All for other people's amusement and material gain, mind.
"Hmmm, this newly developed worrrrm should make light work of anyone who discusses the death of Robert Smith and is not running Linux"
(image source: fuckin' televison)
Look, I haven't seen or heard anything about either Whitney Houston or Michael Jackson since the tail-end of their successees in the early 1990s - y'know, back when they were doing stuff - but the point is, they actually stood up and did it, and in both cases paid the price major league styles.
...as opposed to your achievement at, what, making people feel like shit for evaluating and celebrating another person's legacy at the point of their death?
FOOTNOTES:
** Not a real quote but a guy said basically that on Twitter and besides, we've all made this mistake at some point. YES WE ALL HAVE DONE IT
Article originally published elsewhere, Monday 13 February 2012 at 0333
