Abbott defends Government's new Bible character

Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott today broke his media silence in defence of the Government's new Bible character, Greg Bethlehem.

The new character, which was announced as part of the incumbent regime's $600 billion high-school education clusterfunk, will sport a red "speedo" cock-jock bathing costume and a sensibly-rogue 1940s haircut.

New Bible character Greg Bethlehem collects his "poonani reward"

The Gallipoli-born Greg Bethlehem is credited in the Book of Menzies with saving the helpless Virgin Mary from drowning in the Dead Sea, where she failed to swim properly because she is a woman.

Bethlehem then "totally nails that sluzza" before ditching her at Stereosonic 6BC.

Mr Abbott said it was "...important that Australians be represented in the Bible" before saying that it was "just a story," and then also denying that it was "just a story," and then kind-of just standing there for a bit, swaying.

Australian journalists tonight remained tight-lipped, mostly focussed on keeping their jobs and thinking about how fucked-up they're gonna get this weekend.

-REUTERS

Here we go again! - Wellard For Gillard!

If you're reading this you may-or-may-not be familiar with my band for many years, which was Project Mayhem. Back in 2009, when hot ranga Julia Gillard was simply the Deputy Prime Minister, Deputy head honcho of the Labor Party, Minister for Education, Employment and Workplace Relations, Social Inclusion and the federal division of Lalor - all simultaneously - we wrote this song...



Later there was a leadership spill and she replaced local walnut Kevin Rudd as Prime Minister. She was of the centre-left, politically, so the Murdoch press relentlessly harassed her during her entire tenure.

The thinking, in the mind of the leather-skinned reptile, was that Australians were fucking stupid; that the inherent insecurity of the Australian male could be harnessed and manifested by the use of some good old-fashion sexism - and that the Australian female, not wanting to rock the boat too much, would probably allow the shit to stick.

That's what happened, plus Kevin Rudd was a cunt, so in June 2013 he caused a leadership spill and got his old job back. Then Australia went to the polls, and fulfilled Rupert Murdoch's wish of voting an absolute fucking lunatic into power who would do what was in everybody's worst interests socially while allowing big business to dig up the ground and sell it to China basically un-taxed.

And they all lived happily ever after. Especially us, because we can say we predicted the whole Julia-becoming-PM thing.

Check us on Facebook here.