Here we go again! - Wellard For Gillard!

If you're reading this you may-or-may-not be familiar with my band for many years, which was Project Mayhem. Back in 2009, when hot ranga Julia Gillard was simply the Deputy Prime Minister, Deputy head honcho of the Labor Party, Minister for Education, Employment and Workplace Relations, Social Inclusion and the federal division of Lalor - all simultaneously - we wrote this song...



Later there was a leadership spill and she replaced local walnut Kevin Rudd as Prime Minister. She was of the centre-left, politically, so the Murdoch press relentlessly harassed her during her entire tenure.

The thinking, in the mind of the leather-skinned reptile, was that Australians were fucking stupid; that the inherent insecurity of the Australian male could be harnessed and manifested by the use of some good old-fashion sexism - and that the Australian female, not wanting to rock the boat too much, would probably allow the shit to stick.

That's what happened, plus Kevin Rudd was a cunt, so in June 2013 he caused a leadership spill and got his old job back. Then Australia went to the polls, and fulfilled Rupert Murdoch's wish of voting an absolute fucking lunatic into power who would do what was in everybody's worst interests socially while allowing big business to dig up the ground and sell it to China basically un-taxed.

And they all lived happily ever after. Especially us, because we can say we predicted the whole Julia-becoming-PM thing.

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Stop sitting on that wall outside KFC: Here are the plans for The Nu-Hydey

 this is what the pub looked like during the ALH era

photo stolen from: (unknown author)

I'm going to spare everybody the sentimental fucking spiel about The Hydey. It was what it was. It was good for ages, then it got shit because Paul Higgins sold it to Woolworths' subsidiary ALH. Then it was a corporate pub, not a family/community concern. It begun to smell and the beer got pretty bad, but at least heaps of apathetic kids worked there and would give me Coopers Red on my rider.

You can hear all about how cool The Hyde Park Hotel was in the new seven minute documentary called The Hydey, which was put together by local film luminaries Travis Johnson and Lindsay Hallam. I don't think you can view it anywhere cause it was a Town Of Vincent thing. They did a pretty damn good job of it though, and I believe there is a full length film in the works.

Anyway, after it was sold The Hydey was still pretty important to everybody, so when ALH made initial plans to close it by coming up with some convoluted lie about noise complaints (circa 2007), they were called out on their bullshit by a whole host of people including WAM and then- arts minister Sheila McHale.

The corporation clearly elected to bide their time and then try again, which they eventually did once the government had changed... and once everybody who used to like the place became utterly sick of watching the same five bands playing the same five shows to the same five cunts in a place that stunk (circa 2009).

So, in January 2010 it closed to live music for good, the bottle shop and bistro were ripped out and replaced with a Dan Murphy's bottle barn. The front bar was pretty much razed to the ground apart from a few walls/roofs and is being slowly re-constructed... into something that will be doubtless repulsive.

As evidence, please consider the following document:

Plans For Hyde Park Hotel Redevelopment: Amended 18 February 2009.

We were assured by various people at ALH that there would continue to be live music at the venue once the renovations were completed.

(I would reproduce the latest correspondence I had with their state manager, but unfortunately it has been lost.)

However, I really fail to see how anybody is going to be able to fit a live band onto a stage 19.5 m² that faces directly into a bar, and where the best possible viewing space is approximately the size of the old saloon bar where we [the musicians] used to keep our equipment. (See p.3 and p.5 of the PDF for comparison.)

I mean, OK, it's possible. Prove me wrong, please.

But what I can see happening is: either I'm going to walk past and Luke Steele's old man is going to be playing the blues with, like, one other old bastard, or there's going to be some douche bag with a "salmon" (PINK you fuck) shirt on w/ popped collar playing Semi Charmed Life for the third time that evening.

At least there's a beer garden though. And it's worth noting that Vincent Council were pretty good in sticking up for the mug punter by refusing initial approval due to "...loss of entertainment and change in culture of the premises" (p.8).

This is something ALH were forced to refute (p.11), claiming that the front bar "...will achieve a new lease of life." (ibid.). Hahahahahaha. These people wouldn't know what cultural 'life' meant if Don Rat walked up and punched them in the face.

In any case, the renovations to the front bar are slowly under way and it will be interesting to watch.

Meanwhile, see you at a different bar.

Further info on the ALH renovations can be found:

• in the Heritage Impact Statement (which takes the 'jazz' angle--interesting!), and;
• the council minutes (24 February 2009) (skip to p.131 of this one).

UPDATE: 18 July 2012 - the seven minute short for The Hydey documentary can be viewed here.